Live Urgently...

It’s been more than a week since my last blog post – I’m busy, sooooo very busy.  And I thought about posting about all that I’m doing, everything that keeps me busy and how much I love crawling into bed after a day filled from morning to night with the people and activities that I love, completely exhausted.

I thought about writing just about sleep and why I won’t skimp on it…rest and recovery have become an increasing focus in the lives of a few friends, and by proxy in mine and a focus of my training.

I thought about posting about my recent shopping adventure at REI – and an adventure it was.  It was almost worse than jeans and bikini shopping – only the female readers will be able identify with the emotional trauma sometimes associated with those experiences for even the most fit and self-confident women.  I wanted to cry as I compared the ins and outs of every Patagonia and Arcteryx jacket on the rack.  Ultimately, I am still undecided on several pieces of gear but came away with several options with which I’m comfortable.

None of those ideas inspired me in the moment – or at least not sufficiently to pull me away from whatever was occupying my time.

I thought about writing about life – it’s not fair and while this is something I cognitively know, emotionally I find moments when it's difficult to accept.  A conversation this morning with a friend reminded me that it’s not fair, you can’t change that, so get over it and go forward.  This idea inspired me – but I’m not ready to articulate my thoughts and feelings and the connection to my expedition to Ecuador.

And then I saw this…

…and it spoke to me instantly and left me ready to write.

“Don’t sleep through life.”

Live urgently.  I often have said that I’m taking life by storm right now – that’s almost a euphemism, I’m really in attack mode.  There is nothing passive in how I’m living right now.  Life does not happen to you, it’s not something you simply experience.  Every second is a choice - an opportunity to go on an adventure, to relax with friends over phenomenal food, to enjoy a nap.  I’m having fun, I’m feeling pain, I’m taking on adventures that once struck me as crazy...and through it all, I’m changing my life.  I’m growing.

If you don’t like your job, change it.  If you don’t like your city, move.  If you want to get healthy, do it.  Time waits for no one…life is not endless, time is always running out.  So live urgently.  Hurry to whatever it is that speaks to you and inspires you, motivates you, gives you goosebumps, excites you, scares you, puts butterflies in your tummy.  Whatever it is – do it, and do it now.  Time is always running out and you have no idea how much sand is left in the hourglass.

Live big or live small, but do it all with happiness and direction in your heart.

Ecuador 2013

Since starting this blog, the anticipated questions about my recent adventures and details of my upcoming excursion have found their way to me…and since the theme of this blog is loosely tied to the kind of crazy adventure that is my life, a post about the adventure on the horizon seemed timely.  I’ll admit, this post has been difficult to write - it feels insurmountable and with so much to say…



Above the clouds on the summit of Cotopaxi at sunrise...
Thanks to Dan Jenkins for sharing this great picture!



On January 5^th, I depart on my first expedition to Ecuador to climb the Andes.  My trip will last just over 2 weeks, with a return date of January 20^th.  In the interim I will complete 2 day-summits and 3 larger summits on glaciated and active volcanoes ranging from roughly 19,000 - 21,000 ft in altitude - specifically Mount Cotopaxi, Mount Cayambe, and Mount Chimborazo (as a point of reference Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa is 19,341 ft) .  My emotions range from extremely excited to something that vaguely resembles fear, but might be more appropriately coined "anticipation.”  My preparation is well underway with a consistently increasing focus on training and evermore frequent trips to REI - I'm fairly certain that I'm single handedly keeping them in business at this point.  I *may* be on a first name basis with the staff…

In some ways, the idea of this trip, or one of this nature, had long been floating in my head, timidly filed under “I wish I could, but…” where it very likely may have forever lived.  Ultimately, the decision to jump into this challenge was spontaneous and bold, an attempt to focus energy and grief after the untimely death of a dear friend.  Justin was a confidant, friend, flirt, mentor, teacher, and so much more to so many…there are not enough kind and good words that can be said about him.

On March 28^th a phone call with Dan Jenkins at Earth Treks unfolded serendipitously…through the course of our conversation, I learned that Dan was a long-time friend of Justin and had been his first instructor in high-altitude mountaineering more than a decade prior during the same trip to Ecuador that I currently look forward to.  Within a day of talking with Dan, I was emotionally committed to this adventure.  The weekend prior had been my most difficult moment up to that point.  As I had anticipated, my most challenging experiences came more than a month after Justin’s death as I tried to settle back into the rhythm of a life that felt very different and at a time when so many other moments that might have previously bothered me relatively little suddenly overwhelmed me.

I wish I could say that the decision to go to Ecuador gave new focus and meaning to my life and that I immediately embarked on an upward emotional trajectory.  I did not.  It was bumpy and rocky.  I was sad.  I felt alone.  I missed Justin all the more – the decision to go created an entirely new opportunity for moments in which I wished I could call him to seek his advice or ask him to check my knots while setting climbs, to look to him for encouragement and support, among so many other things.

The concept of Ecuador did not immediately blanket my life in positive energy and ambition…but it did provide moments of purpose and anticipation, and over time, those moments have pushed me to seek other adventures, to explore what else I had previously filed under “I wish I could, but…,” to pull those cautious ideas out, dust them off, and make them happen.  To “take life by storm” has been my go-to description.  After several months, I felt just a bit more like myself once again, and yet I was surrounded by a life that looked very different – new car, new apartment, new job, new climbing community, changed friendships, my weekends filled with crossfit competitions and adventure challenges.  I completed a GoRuck Challenge after I found myself thinking, “I wish I was one of those girls that was tough enough to do that…” only to realize what I probably already knew - you don’t become that girl by wishing you could, but instead by saying you will.

This subtle and slow shift permitted the positive energy from the people surrounding me, both in physical proximity and emotional support, to percolate through my life.  It’s not that I forgot or that somehow Justin’s absence became bearable.  It is always there in some way – shocking pain, a funny memory, a secret I can’t wait to tell him.  And that’s ok, it helps me remember him and hold onto him and is integrated into the person I am and continue to grow into.

Justin is on my mind always, but Ecuador is a challenge and adventure for me, this trip is not for Justin…but it is because of him.  Justin made a world of adventure and excitement suddenly feel accessible - he was so eager to share it with everyone, to help them begin their own adventures. I swear, I made to the top of my first 5.9 climb by his shear will (and his refusal to lower me down the climbing wall no matter how much I complained).  He gave the people around him the permission to take on challenges that might have seemed absurd to others; he never judged, he never second-guessed…he just provided incredible enthusiasm and energy for everyone’s efforts and endeavors.  He wasn’t flawless and I don’t want to pretend that he was – it would undermine the value and significance of how incredibly good he really and truly was and the very real way he in which touched others.

And so, while this trip is for me, I would be remiss if I didn’t note the way Justin's life touched mine, his influence, and how much I have benefited from his presence, from his encouragement, and from the permission (and sometimes not-so-gentle push) he gave me to take on adventures, big and small, no matter the risk of failure or chance of success, but for the sake of the adventure itself…

Ecuador 2013 – I can’t wait!

ASHA Convention 2012, Atlanta!

Not all adventures have to be active...ASHA Convention 2012, Atlanta!  Lindsey flew in from San Francisco, I hopped down from DC...we shared a little Wisconsin love and a few glasses of wine, the only thing missing was the cheese curds!

I only managed to fit in one workout while there, but my body is far from well-rested.  Brain & body connection - so much learning has left me ready for some serious sleep.

A picture says a thousand words...

After a ton of fun and probably not enough sleep, I thought a series of pictures might capture my weekend adventures and save me a few minutes of writing in order to allow for some much needed catch-up sleep...

1818 Vernon Street - taking northwest DC by storm!

Happy birthday Mack!

At some point in the evening we took our mad dance skills out to Adams Morgan to show the 19 - 22 year old crowd how cool we still are...












Saturday night was spent at Crossfit South Arlington in the first ever throwdown against Ballston Crossfit - so fun to compete, but a bit intimidating!

 
Megan, Tom, and Jay - CFSA Competitors

CFSA Team WOD 1 - We have to pick that bar up how many times!?!!?

 Watching the completion of individual women's final wod.  I love everything about this picture...the energy and camaraderie, the effort and exhaustion, Justin's prayer flags in the rafters.  Crossfit South Arlington - Fueled by Community.

Sunday night Paleo Food Club - healthy food, fun friends, perfect close to the weekend.

Getting Started...

I've never written a blog before...and so I suppose I'm not quite sure
where to start.  Perhaps a good portion of my inspiration for embarking on
this task of documenting the ins-and-outs of my often
not-very-entertaining-life was fueled by the anticipation of a few
potential upcoming adventures, which will ideally add to the
entertainment quotient for anyone reading.  I am hopeful this will
provide a forum to share my successes and shortcomings with family and
friends spread across time-zones and from east to west coast, with a
large concentration centered somehwere near home-sweet-home,
Wisconsin.

In my life, I have been blessed with more support and love from family
and friends than I think some people ever know...I hope in my
adventures and their recordings, I am able to share what that love and
support allow me and push me to do and to express my gratitude,
infused into anectodal stories of my day-to-day and sprinkled with
bits of humor.

In the last year and a half, I have encountered worry and heartache in my family
and with friends that I never could have imagined.  In this same space
of time, my life has become increasingly filled with an enthusiasm and
confidence in taking on adventure...inspired at least in part by the
difficult moments and what I have learned from both casual
acquaintances and lifetime friends and family.  I feel almost a bit
like a different person.  Or perhaps more accurately, I am starting to
feel like the person that just a few years ago I very much wanted to
be, but didn't know how to be.  Once upon a time, the adventures and
challenges that I am now running towards felt inaccessible.  I doubted my
ability, my knowledge, my skills.  The truth is, although I've grown
in many ways, it is also fair to note that in other ways I'm not
necessarily anymore able, skilled, or knowledgeable than I was...I'm
just a lot more comfortable with failing.  And with that comfort have
come not only moments of failure, but also success.  Here is to hoping
for more of it...